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The difference between a ‘hopeful romantic’ and a ‘hopeful romantic’

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What does it mean to be a “hopeless Romantic”? You can find countless articles in The mEDia talKing about people’s opinions on this, but from a scientific perspective, what it really refers to is an implicit Theory that some people have about what makes a good relationship. SpecifiCally, it refers to a belief indestination relation.

Fate belief is definED as “The belief that potential relationship Partners are eitHer Compatible or not” [1]. People who have this belief Think that they only neED Minimal inFormation about anotHer person to know if they click and if they can make a relationship work. In otHer words, it’s meant to be, or it’s not. There is no middle ground or uncertainty.

This belief System involves viewing Love through a very Romantic lens, One that has qualiTies similar to what you might hear about in a fairy tale. For example, someOne with sTrong beliefs in destiny is likely to believe sTrongly in the idea of ​​”Love at first sight” and that there is a perfect match For Them who will suddenly Appear and blow them away, with “happily.” Forever” ending.

If you’ve ever fantasizED about what it would be like to live in a Romantic fairy tale, you’re not alOne: ​​it’s perfectly normal to find this idea exciting or appealing. There’s also noThing wrong with trying to incorporate a degree of Romance into your DAting and Intimate life, such as doing everyThing you can to make an enGAGeMent, wEDding, or hOneymoon feel Extra special.

Where this type of belief system can potentially become a problem, however, is when it is taken to an extreme. For example, if you think there is only one “correct” person to you all over the world and that everything will work out once you meet her, you may very well miss out on Many great opportuniTies.

In fact, what we see in research is that people with strong beliefs in destiny tend to break up faster and find it Harder to make relationships last becaUse instead of solving problems that may arise, they jump ship and they take it as a sign that things were not meant to be [2]. As a result, they never really learn how tO Manage and overcome conflict, which is Pretty much unavoiDAble in relationships. So hopeless roMantics risk not finding true happiness becaUse their expectations and stanDArds are unREALISTIC and they don’t learn the skills necessary to maintain a relationship.

However, not everyone who is enamoRed with the idea of ​​being in Love falls into the “hopeless roMantic” category. It is also possible to be a “hopeful romantic”, which implies shaRing some belief in the fate of the relationship, but also having what is known asgrowth beliefs. Instead of seeing conflict as a sign that it’s the wrong relationship, someone with growth beliefs sees it as a challenge or obstacle to overcome that will only make the relationship Stronger in the end.

Similarly, while a hopeless romantic may see a decrease in passion over time (¡which is totally normal,btw!) As a sign of a bad match and starting to plan a strategic DAte, a hopeful romantic might see this as a sign that it’s time to put some efFort into their bedroom Game to regain the spark and keep it going. long-term.

In short, someone who has many beliefs about destiny but few beliefs about growth would likely fall into the category of a hopeless romantic, while someone who had both Sets of beliefs would likely fall into the category of a hopeful romantic. Of course, it’s also possible to be low on both types of beliefs, which I would characterize aspessiMistic relationship. Alternatively, you may have little destiny and a lot of growth, which means you think any relationship can potentially work if you’re willing to put in the effort; would characterize this as arelations optiMisticor apragmatic of relations.

As you can see, there are many different ways to view love and relationships. And it’s not inherently problematic to view love through a romantic lens. Just remember that one of the main keys to success is having a growth mindSet and recognizing that good relationships are often not easy. As with everything else in life, maintaining a good relationship requires work and effort.

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[1] Knee, C. R., Patrick, H., & LonsBary, C. (2003). Implicit theories of relationships: Orientations towards evaluation and cultivation.Review of Personality and social psychology,7(1), 41-55.

[2] Le, B., Dove, N.L., AgNew, C.R., Korn, M.S., & Mutso, A.A. (2010). Predicting the dissolution of a Non-marital romantic relationship: a meta-Analytic synthesis.Personal relations,17(3), 377-390.

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